Hearken to me , Hearties : Gastro-memoritis

Gastro-memoritis |Ga ‘strä – mem(Ə)rītis |

noun 
a condition often seen in extreme foodies, where, the person, on seeing good food, is subjected to a continuous gush of memories similar to the gush of 'you-know-what' when suffering from Gastroenteritis.


If you are born into a Syrian Christian family in Kerala, people take it for granted that you are a high functioning Carnivore. Contrary to the tradition , I happened to be a herbivore. Boy ! the mess it caused. My parents were sincerely worried if I had a kidney or a rabbit's tummy in place of a Mallu S C brain. I guess, i partly had. Cuz, I never was able to understand non-veg dishes, skillfully camouflaged (by my loving Mom and Dad, of course) as veg dishes , in their attempts to make me eat non-veg.

This battle raged on for about 10,11 years from the day I was born. People used to ask - "Why don't you eat non-veg ? " more than "Hello ! What be your name ? " (Stupid, right ! ).  And finally, I had to put down my arms at their feet and declare my fealty to non-veg. Started with egg, then chicken,then beef, and so on. But, only one of the captured my heart like no other - Beef (I hope I doNt go to jAil for this ! i'M a pOor little soul) . From the day i started eating it, till the day i ate Bacon for the first time, Beef was my true love.
But, till date , I loathe fish. or anything that is aquatic (Reason - I hate the fishy taste of the fish. and it stinks. a lot. makes me wanna puke. a lot.). Even this raises eyebrows whenever I visit relatives , and they be like " Whaaaaaaaaaaaat ?? You don't dig fish ?? Sad. " I learnt to live with it.

Kerala ain't a good place for a person like me. I don't like Rice and Fish - the staple food of Kerala. And, in this (not so much, but slightly)godforsaken place where I live, I don't have a decent food joint which gives me the food I like. One or two are there , but, one gets bored, right !! So, the only occasion when I get to eat what I like is when I leave Kerala . (Not exactly , but, almost). The rest of the time, I watch MasterChef US and Australia and sail ships. and yeah, get a bout of Gastro-memoritis quite often.


1. Home Sweet Home 

 They say, charity begins at home. For me, to an extent, good food also did. My mom loves to cook traditional food and my Dad has a good hand when it comes to North Indian and Indianized Chinese food, and my eldest brother is good at continental and contemporary , and I love to eat all these.

A typical Onam Sadya (Feast). My Dad is very orthodox when it comes to traditions. Irrespective of the number of people who are gonna eat the feast, he has to have Rice along with some 20+ side dishes . And strictly no non-veg. And, after the meal we have 3 or 4 deserts too. And by the time we finish, I feel like I'd have to use a winch and pulley. Every single time.

Pork. Dried, flavored pork. Had this beauty for a family get-together. That was the first time I ate pork, and I remember that in no time,I was gobbling it up, as greedy as a pig. But, saddest part is that you won't get it like this, in India. They got it from Sweden for the occasion. If somebody is heading that way, please , give me a ring ! *sigh*

2. Pune

Pune !! I went there after I finished my PG. The official reason for the visit was the CSIR NET exam (LOL ! ). We (V,MnM,Rekha and myself) made up this plan when we were still at Pondi. Since Rekha was from Pune,the question of Food and Accommodation was solved. Mann !! This place is so affordable for a foodie !!! Whatever you wanna eat, you get quality stuff , for awesome prices. And when you are still living off your parents' money, it matters. 
                 
                             

Pav Bhaji (left) and Vada Pav (right, obviously !) . I had heard a lot about these two, thanks to S and Rekha. And once I reached there , I understood one thing. If you tell Rekha - You ain't allowed to meet "someone". He'll be like "Meh, okay ! :/ " . Tell him, " Vada Pav/Pav Bhaji is dubba " and lo , you'll see Godess Durga incarnate. Same for S too. Or, for all Marathis, I guess.

                                

                     


Misal Pav. My favorite among the various items I ate. Nothing complex about this. But, goddamn tasty ! Rekha took us to an exclusive Misal Pav joint  - Katakirr. There I got to know one more thing. Take a paprika or a King Chilly.  9 out of 10 Marathis would munch away happily . The food joint gave gravy separately. And based on their level of spiciness they had classified into Light, Medium, Spicy and Extra Spicy (I guess. Can't remember. Was too much involved in eating .) I took the Light one. Rekha took the spicy one. I tasted a spoon. Too bloody spicy. I guess I saw my Grandpa (He had passed away before I was born). Till date, I can't imagine what Extra Spicy would've tasted like (Praise the Lord ! ). But, if anyone ever goes to Maharashtra , it is a must eat.

3. Pondicherry

Foodie Heaven. Anything and everything you wanna eat. Starting from a very humble place called Andhra Mess (I didn't like the food. but, I was the only one who didn't. Everyone else loved it ! Mad people, nuh ?? ! ) to posh places like La Cafe - Good food, great ambiance. Luckily , almost all friends of mine, except Ms I , Ms V , Ms P and Ms N were awesome foodies. Ask me what I studied in Semester 1 of PG - I'll sing the Banana song from Despicable Me. Ask me where all we ate in Semester 1 - I can keep on talking till the next season of Sherlock is aired. The places which have given most awesome memories and food :-

Beans/Chillies

Two small restaurants. Almost the same menu. Slight difference in cost. Of the two, Chillies served tastier food (Run by mallus - Ta Da !! ). We used to go there once in a while to have their Tandoori Chicken. I adored those. I guess that we've been to these places the most. And Lo, Behold, one pic that says it all ! (Courtesy : Mr PD)

Tanto Pizzeria

Authentic thin crust Firewood pizzas, and awesome ambiance. The In-Charge ... He's a jolly good fellow (I sang it.. Did you ?? :D ). Always smiles and courtesies. I remember the Akka (lady) who used to make the pizzas. A sweetling, who'd always give us extra toppings on our pizzas. Always . (Without the In-Charge seeing, though ! ).But, lemme tell you one thing - for Indians, Italian pizzas are blaaaaaaand. We tell him to make it spicy , but , LOL , even I didn't feel that it was . And their French Fries. You'd go gaga over it. Just thinking about those fries brings high tide in my mouth, like a port all set to receive ships.

                                                                 

The best part about Tanto was that they gave something which you won't find in any other pizzeria - French Fries on a pizza . No need to describe. *droooooling*

Cafe Xtasi

Yes. I saved the best for the last. Cafe Xtasi. The best pizza I've ever had, hails from Xtasi. That cheese, that size, that taste... you'll feel like you took Ecstasy (Not the feeling. The drug) . Costly. but really worth the cost. And, they know how to show off ! And, talking about Xtasi, what makes them stand out is their pizza size. A medium pizza , comes around 29cm diameter , a large - 49cm and a jumbo , 69 cm. I take pride on being a foodie and the amount of food I can gobble up. But, not more than 2 slices of the Xtasi's large pizza. And their cheese. So thick, so heavy , so much, so wow . The pics will talk.

Boy . I miss this.


So. I guess you might've understood how it feels to be down with Gastro-memoritis. All the food. All the people you've had it with. All the memories. The thing that makes good food better is the company you have (and less cost, too ) .

Hrithik Roshan (an Indian actor) once sang in some movie , "Khali haath aaye the hum, Khali Haath Jayenge. Translation - We came empty handed , and we'll leave like that only (For Einsteins : He ain't talking about going to a Restaurant or something. He is singing about the philosophies of Life and Death (Like what Alexander the Great did, I guess)) . I may have came to the world empty handed, but, hell no , I wont be going back with an empty tummy ! No way !


Good Bye, Ciao and May the Farce (Pun Intended)(Pronunciation of force, Indian Shtyle) be with you.


PS -
Mallu :  Mallu is the short form of Malayali , ie, a person who lives in Kerala. I am a mallu. So is half of Middle Eastern Nations.
Syrian Christian : No. We didn't come from Syria. A Syrian Christian, in Kerala, is a Christian who has been a Christian  for quite some time(generations). Ancestry. (Anyone interested in knowing more about Syrian Christians ? - http://centreright.in/2012/09/the-syrian-christians-of-kerala-part-1/)

PPS - This post is dedicated to all the foodies I've had the pleasure of getting to eat with : Girish, Wesley, Senson, Aswin et al , and the Pondi gangstas .

PPPS - Xtasi's Cheese . It is very powerful. You'll go high on cheese. MnM always did. She would be full whack after having cheese from Xtasi. If interested , Go to Xtasi , order Four Formaggi . Eat. Float. For testimony , contact MnM . (I'm gonna be deep fried for this. I guess. )

Hearken to me, Hearties : F.R.I E.N.D.S

Wrote the first post, got lost in a whirlpool of engagements and re-surfaced tody. The con of not being one who writes ,  is that even if you try observe the world around , even if you take a power nap, even if you sit and think without moving ,  the only thing which you are gonna get is - mosquito bites(I happen to live in Kerala , a.k.a God's Own Country(Gods love a good laugh)) . So, after many unsuccessfull tries to get a good topic to write about , i turned to my friends,  Ms.MnM and Mr/s Rekha and the almost always silent listener of our Whatsapp group , Ms V . I ask them what to write about and as usual, only pulling my leg happens instead of any productive work. So, i thought why not write about my brigand of Guggus . Here it goes -

People say cousins are one's first friends . Well, even though i have a tremendous numberof cousins, I won't say that I was that much acquainted with them , save a few. After 20 years  and a hinch of good friends, I happened to join The Pondicherry University for my Post Grad studies. And there, I get an awesome bunch of guggus. Other acquaintances took the liberty of naming us as le HPPs, or High Profile People. We should've made it official, but .. Lost the chance . Even though none said it out loud , what I believe is that we were trynna live up to what Robin Williams , may he rest in peace, said : You're only given one little spark of madness . You mustn't lose it. I seriously doubt that we had a lot more than a spark of madness in us , but, hell , it was fun . Two years of literally no studies and only fun . except during the semester exams . and the internal exams. And during the final semester project. Behold , the members of the HPP:

Ms P - From Bangalore or Bengaluru as they call it nowadays . lives by the motto - do timepass till 4 in the morning and sleep till 10 minutes before your class. Loves animals and  a good laugh and a good song .

Mr. S  - From Nashik, a veeeery rural place in Maharashtra . live by the motto - eat, eat and eat even more. I've seen a meme which tells to eat the person who tells you to eat less.  He is that kind of person . Well, he would have been, if he wasn't a vegan . an awesome artist .

Mr . V - from Pune, Maharashtra . due to some anger issues and a natural tendency to be a moderately talented Drama Queen , a.k.a Rekha, after the famous Bollywood actress. Thrives on procrastination. Foodie.

Ms. V - from Vizag(from which fragment of former Andhra Pradesh, I forgot.) A member of a rare specimen who talks a lot (:D) and does even more. Brilliant in studies . poor in movies and even worse in eating .

Ms MnM - basically from Hyderabad , but, lives in Bangalore, Hyderabad, Chennai or
Ahmadabad based on her mood. :D :D
Likes to say that her house is Indian Railways (for Einsteins : its Cuz she travels a lot. ) Loves animals, Deep Purple , The Beatles and whatnot.  Highly nocturnal. Ms P's elder sister, when it comes to this.

Anne - one pet we loved the most. Found her as a puppy , in fact , one of the most cutest puppies ever. Loves coffee . Extremely naughty, when I saw hwe last , some 3 weeks ago.

Well . this makes up the HPP.
At par with them , I also had a few down to earth (as opposed to HPP) extremely close ffriends

Ms.N - An indian version of Alex Dunphy from Modern Family. From Bilaspur, Chhatisgarh. loves to study and watch Korean movies . Stubborn . Lol

Mr. SKD - From Kolkata . Zoology background, but a genius at Coding. Another extreme nocturnal. Remember the race between the Hare and the Tortoise ?? He is the Tortoise. In all senses.

Ms I - from Lucknow . Creative. If you ever need some knick-knacks , she defenitely has it in her bag. Guaranteed.

These. These are the few souls who made life awesome, the last two years. Great souls. Even greater Guggus.

Ciao.

PS : Guggu is a word in the Kannada language ( Kannad as majority of Indians would call it (which is absolutely guggu-ish of them !!)). it means - Idiot .  Fool also, can do.

PPS : One might've heard of people getting lost in the famous Indian Kumbh Mela(a festival sort of occassion where hundreds of thousands of people come together). According to MnM and S , they are siblings who got lost at an extremely long buffet table.

PPPS : The giy who can be seen in both the pictures with humans, is ze Author. Would've loved to be in the pic with Anne too, but, she doesnt pose well people around.

Hearken to me, hearties !

Q : What would a guy who recently finished college do ,back at home ?
A : Eat, Sleep, and repeat.

Q : What if the guy gets bored of the routine said above ?
A : Enter whining, exit friends' peace .

Myself, Susheel , a highly bored PG(fresher) on an ever-disappointing job hunt , proposed and proved the above said hypothesis in just a matter of weeks. Cant simply put to words, how life changes in just a matter of days. From a highly entertaining, occupying and enjoyable two years of study , to a boring , boring and even more boring life , back home.

So, as of now , the only thing  that keeps me going are a bunch of great friends and a couple of decent songs. And when I say friends,  I mean this -

Thanks to that amazing place called ze Pondicherry University (Puducherryyyyy) , i got a bunch, exactly like this. Given the chance, they would dress like this too . No surprises there.

One day I was speaking(whining) to a friend of mine, Ms I , and it was she,  who suggested to write a blog. I snorted at first, but , heck, why not ! I tried to dust up and bring back to life an old attempt at a blog - Kaam ki Cheese ( a foodie named it. ), but, meh , didnt feel so. I deleted it off(i guess) and started this.

I have no idea as to when and on what all I'll be able to write , but, lets see !

P.S  : For those who are "Einstiens" (sarcasm intended) , Su-sheel , in Sanskrit means a person with good habits (something like that . got the idea, right ? ) .


Ciao , Valar Morghulis and May the Force be with thee.